Mushy Brain

Lupus fog is a fuzzy headed feeling. It is however a term for a more serious issue. When you have lupus, you learn what to expect. You learn to cope with your body being in pain. You learn to cope with the rashes, the sun sensitivity, the hair loss….but one thing that no one got me ready for was my brain turning to mush! Lupus fog is a nice name for all of the cognitive impairments that can come along with Lupus. I personally have problems concentrating, my memory sucks and I often jumble my words.
Just the other day, I was telling my husband that my mom gets to work early but doesn’t answer the phone until her time actually begins. In the middle of this I said phone job. He corrected me and said you mean job phone. It took my brain a minute to understand that I misspoke. Wtf! This isn’t the first time either. It’s gotten to the point where I write everything down…including a to do list for my day…everyday! I think that for me, this is the worst symptom! Up next is my memory loss. I don’t mean to forget…but I can’t help it. If I want to make a phone call I have to put it on my to do list, if not then I forget. Sometimes at night it all comes back to me…all the things I was supposed to do that is.
Even watching tv isn’t so simple. If I want to watch a show let’s say on the history channel, I have to be mentally ready. If not then I lose concentration and I don’t get what’s going on. This can be especially frustrating since before Lupus I always felt as if I was a smart girl. I did have to study but I grasped everything well, I was book smart and street smart. I feel I was well rounded. I’m not saying that I’m stupid, it just takes me a little longer to process things now. Before I would argue and my point would just roll off my tongue! Now!!! Ugh! Now I think of things super late when the issue is over! It really irritates me lol!
What can I do?! If I don’t really want to do something I can always say oh I forgot!! Lupus fog…you know. I mean if I have to suffer through this crap then I might as well use it to my advantage. For now my mushy brain works.

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